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"I'm.I'm.not gay." I couldn't believe how nervous I was. "Ok man," he said as he handed me back my license, "gay magazines are over there in the far corner and you can buy tokens from me if you want to jack off to some gay porn in one of our fine video booths." He smiled as he said it.
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He looked at the license and then back at me. I pulled out my wallet as I approached the counter - too nervous to say anything else - and took out my license and handed it to the guy behind the counter. My ex-girlfriend would always tell me that I'd appreciate my young looks when I got older, but it was moments like this that made me wish I was bigger and older looking now. I knew I didn't look eighteen - people made comments all the time implying I was really young looking - I even had someone tell me a few months earlier that I looked like I was fifteen. "Yeah." My voice was weak and my mouth dry. "Hey, buddy." I was hoping he wasn't talking to me, "Hey, man." I looked up and saw that he was looking right at me as he spoke. As I walked further into the store - with my head down - I saw the guy behind the counter look up. There were racks of magazines against the walls - the covers showed women on their knees sucking cock or on their hands and knees getting fucked by a big dick. We check ID." - trying to get up the nerveįinally I pushed the door open and walked inside. Being shy and a bit of a loner all through high school - even though I'd had a girlfriend - I'd yet to have sex, and since I was getting bored with just my hand to get me off, the chance of seeing some real porn was a thought that really turned me on.Īfter parking in an area behind the bookstore and getting out of my car, I found my heart pounding with anticipation, but I was also scared to go inside, so I stood looking at the backdoor to the building - there was a large sign on the door that read "Must be 18 to enter. William Edward Crystal (born March 14, 1948) is an American actor, comedian, writer, producer, and film director.It was six months after my eighteenth birthday when I went to an adult bookstore for the first time I'd wanted to go after I turned eighteen, but had always been too nervous. He gained prominence in the 1970s and 1980s for television roles as Jodie Dallas on the ABC sitcom Soap and as a cast member and frequent host of Saturday Night Live. Saturday Night (1992), Analyze This (1999), and Parental Guidance (2012).Ĭrystal then became a Hollywood film star during the late 1980s and 1990s, appearing in Running Scared (1986), The Princess Bride (1987), Throw Momma from the Train (1987), Memories of Me (1988), When Harry Met Sally. He provided the voice of Mike Wazowski in the Monsters, Inc. He also starred on the Broadway stage in 700 Sundays in 2004 and again in 2014 and in Mr. Saturday Night in 2022.Ĭrystal has received numerous accolades, including six Primetime Emmy Awards (out of 21 nominations), a Tony Award, a Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1991.
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He has hosted the Academy Awards nine times, beginning in 1990 and most recently in 2012. In 2022, he was announced as the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Critics Choice Awards. Jack Crystal (right) with Milt Gabler, Herbie Hill and Lou Blum at the Commodore Music Shop (1947)Ĭrystal was born at Doctors Hospital on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and initially raised in the Bronx. He and his older brothers Joel, who later became an art teacher, and Richard, nicknamed Rip, were the sons of Helen ( née Gabler), a housewife, and Jack Crystal, who owned and operated the Commodore Music Store, founded by Crystal's grandfather, Julius Gabler.Īs a toddler, he moved with his family to 549 East Park Avenue in Long Beach, New York, on Long Island. Crystal's father was also a jazz promoter, a producer, and an executive for an affiliated jazz record label, Commodore Records, founded by Crystal's uncle, musician and songwriter Milt Gabler. Crystal is Jewish (his family emigrated from Austria, Russia, and Lithuania), and he grew up attending Temple Emanu-El (Long Beach, New York) where he had his bar mitzvah.
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The three young brothers would entertain by reprising comedy routines from the likes of Bob Newhart, Rich Little and Sid Caesar records their father would bring home. Jazz artists such as Arvell Shaw, Pee Wee Russell, Eddie Condon, and Billie Holiday were often guests in the home. With the decline of Dixieland jazz and the rise of discount record stores, in 1963, Crystal's father lost his business and died later that year at the age of 54 after suffering a heart attack.